Rambo: Old Blood would start with a montage of a young woman training to become a badass special forces commando. Then it would segue into her real first mission, to rescue some orphans from a secret terrorist slave colony on Mars or an Isis opium farm. She pulls off the rescue but fails to kill the lead Isis guy. What would that be called, the lead Isisit? Isisitarian?
Anyway, next we cut to a VA nursing home where 90-year-old John Rambo is living out his remaining days in a wheelchair, having been paralyzed in a freak rodeo accident. Isis storms the place and kidnaps him. Turns out the badass commando from the beginning of the movie is Josephine Rambo. John Rambo’s freaking granddaughter, played by Scarlet Rose Stallone.
Josephine Rambo finds out Isis has kidnapped her helpless old granddad and sets out to kill them all. Explosions and guerilla warfare ensue.
Rated R for gratuitous depictions of elder abuse.
Thank you for coming to my Ed Talk