How to Save Sportsball

Spoiler alert: it involves robots

I have no interest in sports but a lot of people do and they're hungry for new seasons of their favorite games. So here's my proposal for bringing back sports in a Covid-19 world.

First, there's been talk in recent years about replacing baseball umpires with robots. That's a good first step, but we need to go further. I suggest we also replace the players with robots. Robots to pitch, robots to catch, robots to run the bases, robots all the way down.

Instead of paying athletes millions of dollars to throw a ball around teams would pay engineers millions of dollars to build robots that could beat the other team’s robots.

We could apply the same concept to all other sports as well. Robot football players. Robot soccer players. Rockem Sockem Robot boxers. Not only would this bring sports back but it would dump billions into scientific research that could be of immeasurable benefit humanity. Instead of people playing sports to pay for college, they would go to college to build robots that would play sports.

This plan would also eliminate all those difficult questions about which division trans athletes should be allowed to compete in because robots have no gender. Everyone wins! Well, the jocks who only make it through school because they’re good at running real fast, they wouldn’t win. But hey, they can always go back to school to learn robotics.

Thank you for coming to my Ed Talk.