How I know coronavirus is not a conspiracy

What's the point of 5G if facial recognition doesn't work?

As someone who is definitely not part of the Illuminati, I can assure you Covid-19 is not the result of some grand conspiracy. This should be obvious.

Look, if an evil shadow organization wanted to unleash a virus on the populace for some reason you can be damn sure it wouldn’t be one that encourages the widespread adoption of face masks. These things totally fuck up all the facial recognition software the Lizard People are currently using to track all our movements from their subterranean lair.

And trust me, you don’t want to piss off the Lizard People.

Thank you for coming to my Ed Talk.